The first time he came into my room – 1976

I sleep! I mean really sleep. Not much wakes me up. That is why after my Dad starting coming into my room at night I quit going to sleep. I slept in class, on the school bus and outside during the day. I had a secret place in the woods across the street from our house that I would sneak stuff to so I could be comfortable.

The first time he woke me up. I have no idea why, but I pretended to stay asleep. Soon he would come into my room and find me awake. I would get into to trouble and he would say “You have school tomorrow, go to sleep.” He even told my Mom I was not sleeping at night. That I was staying up all night reading. So I got in trouble from Mom too. She actually asked me why I was not sleeping. I never said a word! I just shrugged and walked back to my room. Sadly, my Mom told me if I did not sleep I would get ugly and fat. This was her attempt to encourage me to sleep. Little did she know that was perfect! I felt like if I was ugly and fat my Dad would stop coming into my room.

But you can’t stay awake forever! And I hated that I couldn’t!

And so it began, years of gaining and losing weight! In my adulthood so far I have been over 200 lbs and as small 115 lbs. And years of bipolar mania from lack of sleep. Then of course depression followed. And we cannot forget all the medication to try and keep me sane!

But you can’t stay awake forever!

Seven years ago I started to face why and who I am with the help of an awesome therapist, I have overcome those issues for the most part.  I am hoping after completing this blog I will be done (but I doubt it).  I sleep now, I have not had the need to take medication in almost that long, and my weight has been almost the exact same (I am not telling :)) for at least the last 5 yrs!

A side note:1976 was the same year my Mom started nursing school at night. Opportunity established… now how do I figure out motive?


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