Sex appeal as a weapon! 101

What you carry into your adulthood from being molested and from a chaotic childhood is incredible.

The years I was married to Bobby I used his insecurity against him.  I knew I could enrage him just by attracting attention.  And in return I created chaos.  A lot of chaos.  He would feel bad and turn to his comfort zone.  Alcohol.  He would act stupid.  I would now have something to use against him in order to reduce my guilt.  Then we would have the honey moon period.

It was circular!  Over and over again.  And people were caught up in that hurricane.  My son, my sister, Bobby’s family…

Eventually it reached a point where he and I either resolved our issues, killed each other, or walked away.

Oh trust me I tried to fix it internally.  I gained a ton of weight to not only create a barrier between me and the attention of other men but to help Bobby feel more secure.  It was a fail.  I just felt worse about myself and in return wanted Bobby to feel even worse about himself.  I blamed him for my misery.  And I was miserable!

Poor Bobby, he had no idea.  I did not carry a sign that said “I was molested and abused as a child, I am really screwed up so if you have a relationship with me it is going to be crazy!”

For me,  sex = love.  And in my relationship with Bobby I used that equation to get revenge for my low self-esteem.  I now realize I expected Bobby to fix me.  I truly believed if he loved me enough it would.  Now I know, the only person that can love me enough to fix me IS ME!


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