A couple of crazies

From 1992 until 1995 I led an interesting life.  After leaving Tammy’s and returning to work, with my son in tow, I moved so many times it was ridiculous.  It was like I was moving around in search of something.  But that something was not a thing you could just find laying on the ground.  It was a feeling, a feeling of normalcy.   A sense that I belonged somewhere.  I would rent an apartment for six months, then a house, and then move in with a friend only to end up renting another house.

I found a new psychiatrist and he changed my meds from Desipramine to Prozac and Clonazepam.   I had already lost weight from the breakdown but the medicine had a great side effect… I lost more weight!  And with the weight loss I gained a fake self-esteem. But I no longer could cry, I really could not even be sad anymore.  I could watch the saddest of movies and it would not even move me.  I had always loved to read but no more.  I had no interest.  I was like a zombie and the only time I felt anything was when I met a new guy.  But it would only last about a week or two and then I would lose interest. Another side effect of the Prozac was I would have moments, sometimes days of mania!  And oh those were fun!

Mania, an abnormally elevated mood with irritability, energy, and arousal!  Now there is a prescription for disaster! With my childhood issues still heavy in my life…

I became a serial dater.

In those 3 yrs of my life I would meet two guys who I actually could stand for longer than two weeks.  One was Steve and the other was Kevin.

We attract what we need to make us feel normal… no matter how awful normal is!

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