Lunch

I met my Dad for lunch in June of 2002.  We met at Schlotzsky’s on 1960.  I remember walking in and ordering and thinking how odd I felt.  I had an enormous sense of doom that was almost overwhelming.

Dad and I sat down at a table that  was away from everyone else.

There was no small talk… no “So how has your day been?”  Or “How is everyone?”  The minute we sat down my Dad said, “I went to the doctor this morning and I have cancer.”  We sat in silence for a moment.  I had no idea how to respond.  He continued to tell me that it was prostate cancer and that he had told no one else and was not sure if he would.  He informed me that he would not do any conventional treatment.  He would cure it on his own.  He had also informed the doctor which responded, according to Dad, that he would be dead in 8 yrs.

These are my fathers own words from his blog on YANA ( http://www.yananow.org ) …

“When I was a fifty-nine year old 175 pound white male (now 170 pounds)., my Doctor discovered my cancer in June of 2002 ( PSA 2.3 ng/ml and Gleason Score of 7 with 3 out of 6 samples testing positive). I started following the plan I set out below and it took only one-hundred days for all my systems to return to normal(my cancer was very aggressive and I had many symptoms – painful ejaculations, an overwhelming urge to urinate, frequent trips to the bathroom, pain in the groin, and blood in the urine. ). A follow-up examination found a 20% decline in my PSA (it changed to 1.7 ng/ml). Your oncologist may tell you that you will be dead very soon if you try this treatment. I have refused the conventional treatment of surgery or radiation and my Doctor gave me eight years to live if I tried this new treatment. All four other Cancer Doctors that I have consulted said, if I can keep my PSA low I will be OK (nobody gets sick and dies with a PSA under 10). Seventy percent of seventy year old men have PCa.”

When we left he gave me a one-armed hug.  The only kind he ever gave.  Stiff as a board with no emotion attached.

For weeks I felt this additional heavy burden come over me.  Not because my Dad had cancer, but because I did not feel anything.  I was not sad.  I believed I should have been and the guilt of not being sad was heavy.

The first six months of 2002 was a hell.  Not only did I carry this burden all by myself, I was working 70+ hours a week, visiting Nanny every chance I had, Mike and I were fighting almost all the time and I was fighting off my boss.

I felt hopeless… and went through everyday in a haze.

Then the week after July 4th, 2002 I finally crashed!  And I crashed hard!

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2 Comments to “Lunch”

  1. These types of endings “Then the week after July 4th, 2002 I finally crashed! And I crashed hard!” are what keep me coming back and anticipating more.

  2. Oh girl! You will certainly enjoy the next several post then. My life was completely out of control for a while!

    The incredible thing is… now my life is unbelievably boring! AND I LOVE IT!!!

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