A Thousand Words

does a picture speak……….

Almost 200. lbs!

This day should have been one of the happiest days of my life.  The truth is I was desperate to be happy but I had no idea how to be.  I had hoped by getting married to Mike it would help me to feel like he loved me.  Love was so foreign to me.  Between my examples of what love looked like and the mind numbing medication, I was clueless.  And Mike desperately wanted me to be happy and wanted me to feel loved so he married me.  But Mike had his own demons he was dealing with and it was not until a week after he and I got married that we told anyone that we did it.  Not his family or mine… our wedding was a secret. 

Secrets!  More damn secrets! 

Sadly, this added to the near end of our marriage.  (And yes we are still together but in 2003 I filed for divorce). Although everyone finally knew we were married I held on tight to the secret I had to keep for months as I planned our honeymoon and the hurt of having a wedding shower with only a few friends there.

It also added to my crash.  Please do not misunderstand me, I am not placing blame.  I do not blame Mike for my crash.  I made a choice, and although I thought I had no options at the time, now I know I made a choice! 

About two years later I would be almost half of that weight. 

In two years I would weigh the most I ever have and the least I ever have. 

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