“The Shovel” (To you)

I have recently acquired some new readers and for some of you this is to you!

For those consumed with thoughts of suicide, I will never know exactly how you feel and I will never pretend that I do, but I have felt hopeless and I have obviously been suicidal.

This is how my hopeless felt:

I have a shovel, and I start to dig a hole.  At first it is a hole to hide in. To hide shame and fear. But once I climb in dirt seems to be dumping in.  At first it just covers my feet, I can still move my feet and legs so I stay in that hole where I feel safe.  Then the dirt moves up to my knees and I tell myself I am OK, I can still dig out if I need to.  But then the dirt comes up to my chest and soon I am buried and there is no way for me to get out of the hole  without help.  At this point I have a choice, I can either stay and be buried alive and die or I can reach out to someone (like a therapist) or to something (like medication) to help me climb back out of the hole.

The bad part is the hole is still there.  Oh sure I might start to fill it up but I never fill it all the way to the top because I never know when I might need to start digging and climb back in.

Today that hole is not only completely filled but no longer visible.  There are beautiful flowers planted where the hole in my life was.  There is sunshine most days, not all – but most!  And when the temptation comes to start digging I just plant more flowers instead!

We all have a shovel.  Learning that you have one is the first step.  Then learning how to use it is next.  The shovel represents tools we all have to create a beautiful life or to tear it apart.

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2 Responses to ““The Shovel” (To you)”

  1. What a great analogy! I really like the statement, ” There are beautiful flowers planted where the hole in my life was.” That is so encouraging for those still dealing with a hole in their lives. There is hope – the flowers portray that hope. Thanks for that reminder for all of us.

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