Before and after my Dad died

I was numb. I was shocked. Although I knew it was coming, somewhere in the back of my mind I just could not process the thought of him dying. Not only dying, but committing suicide. But after he did kill himself I was OK with his death. I was not hurt or angry that he had killed himself. I understood why he would and he had explained why he was going to do it.

But when we got a copy of his will, that is when I became angry and hurt. It is not that I wanted money. It was that he left my step-sister pretty much everything. He left my brother a bug chunk of money as well (which I expected). But me and my sister – $500! And that was not the hurtful part.

What hurts?

1) When your own father misspells your name in his will.

Yes, he did not even spell my name right!

But, two, was the conversation I had not long before his death that hurt the most!

I thought I would have the opportunity to go back to him and readdress what he said.

But that day never came.


One Comment to “Before and after my Dad died”

  1. I am so empathetic to your pain. I don’t know how that feels, but I see the incest effects my mom experienced from my grandfather. Her father damaged her and caused everyone around my mother heartache like we are walking on glass to be around her. My poor mom hoards and has side effects of bipolar disorder because of the incest and professionals would not know how to diagnose it, but to say it’s bipolar (brain embalanced chemical reactions) I know it’s emotional and spiritual damage that causes the mood swings and chemical embalance because the incest is locked in her dna and her cells within her body and mind. For you to go through that with your father I can only imagine… i hope that someday my Mom will open up and admit to it so I can have a conversation with her like I am conversing with you open and honestly as I have empathy for you and your pain and cry for you and pray for your continued healing and wellness. I HOPE AND KNOW YOU WILL FEEL WHOLE THE WAY GOD INTENDED FOR YOU TO EXPERIENCE LIFE…. KEEP STRIVING FOR THAT.



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