The Trade

I have been reading blogs of people who are in the full throws of manic depression.  Some embrace it and that is their choice.  I realize there is a trade off to living without manic depression.  The trade of being stable is the loss of creativity.

I used to paint.  I used to take beautiful pictures.  I used to write fabulous poetry.  

But, after reading someones blog who does embrace being bipolar, I realized I no longer do any of those things.

I traded stability for creativity.

As I have said time and time again… mania is awesome!

Funny how the mind works.  I had forgotten.  I had forgotten how I would drive for hours and hours just to find that perfect picture.  Or how I would paint the same picture over and over again until I loved it!  I did not even care what anyone else thought.  I loved it!

I had forgotten how I would paint dark pictures when I was on the other side.

Sometimes with a glimmer of hope somewhere in the painting.

Never perfect, but it was there.  

 

 

Painting my moods was often the case.

A flower in the darkness, held in a frame, unable to grow, no longer living, alone.

 

Do I miss being creative you might ask… sometimes – yes. I actually feel sad writing this. But I will never miss the chaos.

For me, it is just not worth it!

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