Archive for ‘Miscellaneous information.’

August 31, 2013

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing you will hate that you never did!

Yep, that’s right I said it. Quitting smoking is very easy. Oh yeah you are going to have some moments where you will be like – wow I would really like to smoke right now, or uggg I feel so uncomfortable not smoking at the moment, or I feel really anxious this second…..

Right now, at the moment, this second! It passes that fast.

I have heard for years that cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin.

Withdrawal symptoms for nicotine:
Anxiety
Depression
Drowsiness or trouble sleeping, as well as bad dreams and nightmares
Feeling tense, restless, or frustrated
Headaches
Increased appetite and weight gain
Problems concentrating

Withdrawal symptoms for heroin:
Agitation
Anxiety
Muscle aches
Increased tearing
Insomnia
Runny nose
Sweating
Yawning
Abdominal cramping
Diarrhea
Dilated pupils
Goose bumps
Nausea
Vomiting

So I am thinking where in the hell did the whole fairy tale about nicotine being harder to give up than heroin come from?

I have been smoke free One month, four days, 3 hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds. 527 cigarettes not smoked, saving $153.76. Life saved: 1 day, 19 hours, 55 minutes.

I am rockin this shit! Love being nicotine free!

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August 18, 2013

I did not smoke!

I did not smoke.  I locked myself in the back bedroom with my computer and I did not smoke. I went to bed early, but I woke up wanting a smoke!  But I did not smoke.  I went for a 10 mile ride in the first cool crisp morning air that hints of fall coming soon and I did not smoke.  I went to work, I did not smoke.  I am home from work, and I did not smoke.  I will continue with my day… and I will not smoke!

As much as every cell in my body was screaming for nicotine, my heart was breaking at the thought of lighting a cigarette.

My heart has been broken so many times throughout my life by almost every person I have ever loved.  My Mom, my Dad, my sister, my ex-husband… But damnit I refuse to break my own heart!

I did not smoke!

August 7, 2013

OK ok ok…so day 5 (and really 6 and 7) sucked!

broken cigarette symbol

There is no better word… sucked!  I really wanted a smoke several times.  I totally freaked out my husband when I said, “I have to go and spend some money!”  And I meant it.  I was feeling manic!   Agitated and manic!  What truly looked to be a mixed episode!  Uggg

With the lack of nicotine in my system you would think I would be deprived of dopamine.  In other words you would think really depressed. Just down!  But in fact I had two days where I was up and agitated.  And to be quite honest I have been loud, had presured speech, been impulsive, been UP, and agitated a lot since I gave up cigarettes!

So here is the quandary… is this mental illness or is this just the normal response to nicotine withdrawals?

Are all of my fears coming true about quitting smoking?

Will I become unstable for the first time in almost 10 yrs?

Do I need to be medicated?

Even if I did would I agree to be medicated?

So I make a week… 7 whole days without a smoke!

By day 8 I am starting to feel more balanced, but………………………………………………

August 1, 2013

The bipolar, nicotine, and dopamine connection

The brains of humans with bipolar disorder, according to current reasoning, cannot regulate their dopamine uptake.  To much dopamine = mania.  To little dopamine = depression.  This is why medication adjustments are so common with humans that are bipolar.

I have discovered that I can regulate dopamine production on my own.  By living a life where I get plenty of sleep and I do not create chaos (ie… create lots of dopamine).  I also make sure I have enough dopamine to not become depressed, I find value in my life (go to school, do dog rescue, etc.), have wonderful friends, and have healthy relationships.

Now all of this being said lets talk about nicotine.  Because cigarettes are a nicotine laced with ammonia delivery system they are able to supply the body with so much nicotine with one smoke that dopamine production is increased and then the brain becomes dependent on nicotine to give it that pleasure feeling. Eventually making the human feel – No nicotine = no pleasure.  The reason people become chain smokers is because this dopamine effect wears off so quickly!

So now that I have quit smoking what in the heck is going on with my dopamine?????

Well, I feel less pleasure for sure.  And I know that I am much more vulnerable to depression.  In order to compenssate for this I am riding my bicycle twice a day instead of just once a day.  I have added about 6 mile a day to my current route.  I am eating healthy but as much as I want.  However, I am not depriving myself of simple pleasures.

I am doing my breathing exercises often! I will be getting a massage this weekend!

To increase dopamine production I am eating more eggs, broccoli, cauliflower,bananas, and apples!   I have read that beet juice and watermelon juice are good as well.  I guess I need to make a trip to the health food store!

I still need to post about yesterday!  It was awful!  Today is so much better!  My next post will be all about day 5!

July 31, 2013

Days 2 through 4 of my “quit”

Days 2, 3, and 4 were all about the same.  Actually that is not 100% true.  Days 2 and 3 were the easiest so far.  Day 4, yesterday, I weighed myself and almost fell over.  Somehow I gained 3 lbs in 4 days!  So I rode my bike 10 miles last night and 5 miles this morning before work!  I am going to have to pay much closer attention to what I am eating from today forward!

Day 5 which is today, however; has been OMFG awful!  I am actually better at the moment.  But I have felt some anger well up inside of me that actually scares me.  This day is not over……… so tune in!

XOXOXO to all you bipolar smokers and ex-smokers out there.  And to all of you “I have never smoked a day in my life” humans, well wth are you reading this for?  Oh I know, let this be a warning to you… if someone you love is bipolar and a smoker who is trying to quit – duck and run!

April 19, 2013

April 18, 2013

It has been over a year since I have posted. School, work, etc.. has kept me busy. I am doing well. I am at the end of my Junior year! My blog has suffered, but I have told m story. I hope it has serves a purpose! I miss it at times. One day I will read it from start to finish. One day, when I am finished with my first year of teaching, I will write a book… Living 101. It should be an interesting read!

I hope I find you all well!

Hugs, V

January 1, 2012

Brief intermission! A quick look back at 2011! And a big thank you to all of my readers!

Here is 2011 at a glance.  Again thank you to all of my readers for letting me share my story with you!  And a huge thank you to L for sharing my blog on her blog http://untitledmoments.com/!

 

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope you all have a fabulous 2012 and if you so desire, find recovery, health and healing this year!

Love, Veronica

 

 

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 3,700 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 3 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

December 15, 2011

As promised, bipolar no more!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. – Ernest Hemingway

First, I am not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist, a geneticist, or a medical expert in bipolar disorder.

I am, however, an expert in being bipolar.  I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my early twenties.  I was medicated for years.  The list of some of the medications I have experienced is as follows: Welbutrin, Klonopin, Tegretol, Clomipramine, Thorazine, Desipramin, Depakote, Trileptal, Effexor, Elavil, Prozac, Dalmane, Halcion, Tegretol, Haldol, Lamictal, Lexapro, Lithium, Topamax, and Trazadone.  Sadly, that is not a complete list but you get the point!  Sometimes a psych would put me on several at one time; an antidepressent, an antipsychotic, an antianxiety, a mood stabilizer and the list goes on and on.

I am also an expert on not being bipolar!  Yeah, you read it right… not being bipolar!

I have not only been med free for many years but I am NOT bipolar anymore.  How can I make such an extreme statement you ask?  Well, without extreme mood swings, extreme highs and lows, in my opinion that constitutes a bipolar no more statement!

Don’t get me wrong, I realize I have a tendency, a genetic predisposition, or a history of extreme highs and lows.  But that realization helps keep me balanced.

Finding a place to start with this chapter is difficult.  Should I start with my last hospital visit. Well I already have, Part 1 God https://nomorevictim.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/part-1-god/  This is a four part series where I discuss my last hospital visit.  I encourage you to read it before moving on with this chapter.

In this chapter I will walk you through every step of being bipolar no more.  I will answer any questions you have so ask away.  I will tell you what I believe is the cause of bipolar disorder and why some (most actually) people with bipolar disorder can live without medication.

One last note before I go for the evening.  Finals are over, I still have my 4.0!  School starts in a month so I am going to try and post every couple of days!  Closure is important and I, more than some, understand that!

November 19, 2011

Please excuse the mess

I have decided to do some blog updating of another sort. I am looking at new themes and I am going to attempt to rearrange my blog where it is easy to read!

 

Please be patient and check back soon for the new look!

November 16, 2011

Why some people do not report child abuse

According to americanhumane.org people do not report abuse for many reasons including:

  • Choosing instead to effectively intervene independent of the formal system.
  • Fear or unwillingness to get involved.
  • Fear that a report will make matters worse.
  • Reluctance to risk angering the family.
  • Concern that making a report will negatively impact an existing relationship with the child or others.
  • Belief that someone else will speak up and do something.
  • Lack of enough knowledge about the abuse

So why did McQuery not report the rape of a ten year old boy?  Sadly, his reason is most likely not on this list.  He most likely reason… money!  Penn State was ranked in the top 5 when the alleged incident occurred.  And let’s face it; some colleges often do not report crimes for fear of scandals which can lead to lower enrollment.

Amazingly, the lives of children have a price tag.  I wonder what the answer to the question, “What is a child worth in dollars?’ might be if McQuery was asked?

So why am I picking on McQuery you might ask, I mean there were other people involved in the cover up right?  Because he was there!  He saw it.  How a person could witness an assault on a young man and do nothing will forever be beyond my comprehension!

Something is so incredibly wrong with our society.  I realize that abuse has been happening since man could stand upright, but we are supposed to be a civilized world.  And the US is supposed to be the “best” nation in the world.  But we are not!  If we allow this type of behavior we are not!

McQuery, by his own admission, is guilty of not protecting a child and who knows how many after the one he witnessed were hurt.  He should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law!

A message needs to be sent that we, the people of this supposed great country, will not tolerate someone walking away from seeing a child being raped!

I am sickened and extremely saddened that we, humans, brush this off as a “sad” situation. This is an outrage and we all should be outraged, angry… hell – we should be pissed off!

 I am!

 

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