Posts tagged ‘bipolar no more’

October 4, 2013

The tank

Would I proudly enter a restaurant, a grocery store, a doctors office attached to my tank?  Would I paint it orange and decorate it with flowers? Would I name my tank like a pet that is with me all the time?  Would I embrace my tank, knowing it is my life – my breath? Would I thank my tank for being there for me when I just needed breath? Would I buy the perfect wagon to carry my tank, maybe a little red wagon or a garden wagon painted orange to match my tank? Would I tire of my tank?  Would it be a burden to heavy to carry? Would I wish I had just fucking quit smoking years before, years before I was attached to my tank? Would I rather die than carry my tank?  Would I, one day while sitting alone listening to the breeze, light up while sitting by my tank, listen to the oxygen hiss, and inhale my very last smoke?

 

 

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August 21, 2013

Not smoking and alcohol.

One of the hardest parts about quitting smoking for a lot of people is drinking alcohol.  Of course if you are on meds you should probably not be drinking alcohol period, but lets be honest people do!  I tell people, especially people I see smoking,almost everyday, sometimes several times a day, “I just quit smoking” or “It has been X number of days / weeks since I have had a cigarette.”  It is one of the ways I help myself stay constantly accountable and it helps me to not smoke!  But I also want to share my experience with anyone who might want to quit.

People often ask, “How did you quit?” Or “What made you stop?”  And most smokers say, “I wish I could quit!”

But what is surprising is the reason most people say they can’t or won’t quit is alcohol.  Yep, alcohol.  I have heard so many times, “I would quit but I have to smoke when I drink a beer.”  What I want to say is, “REALLY, if that is why you do not want to quit you have bigger issues than smoking!!!”  But I don’t.

Why?

Because I get it!  That is why I have not had a beer in three weeks, four days, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 48 seconds (and yes that is accurate).

Oddly I have found I can drink a small glass of wine, just one, and be OK.  I do not feen for a smoke with just one glass of wine.  Ironically, or I guess you can call it that, research shows one glass of wine is also good for you!English: A glass of red wine.

****UPDATE on mental health.  I am leveling out.  My brain and body are both getting used to not having nicotine.  I am sleeping a full 8, not grinding, and driving like a normal person.

 

Keep checking back!  Thanks for reading!  And for all my bipolar – smoking readers……… take care of yourself!

July 31, 2013

Days 2 through 4 of my “quit”

Days 2, 3, and 4 were all about the same.  Actually that is not 100% true.  Days 2 and 3 were the easiest so far.  Day 4, yesterday, I weighed myself and almost fell over.  Somehow I gained 3 lbs in 4 days!  So I rode my bike 10 miles last night and 5 miles this morning before work!  I am going to have to pay much closer attention to what I am eating from today forward!

Day 5 which is today, however; has been OMFG awful!  I am actually better at the moment.  But I have felt some anger well up inside of me that actually scares me.  This day is not over……… so tune in!

XOXOXO to all you bipolar smokers and ex-smokers out there.  And to all of you “I have never smoked a day in my life” humans, well wth are you reading this for?  Oh I know, let this be a warning to you… if someone you love is bipolar and a smoker who is trying to quit – duck and run!

July 29, 2013

Addiction! I am an addict!

I have been a smoker since I was 16 yrs old.

Nicotine – an addictive fast acting mild stimulant.

Oh I have tried to quit many, many times. My “quits” never last long.

My excuse to keep on smoking – I was afraid if I tried to quit it would send me into a manic spin!  Yes, that is what I have been telling myself for years!  Actually, that is what my addiction has been brainwashing me with for years!  My addiction, my nicotine monkey on my back would say, “Oh I hate smoking but I am just afraid that my fragile balance will be thrown out of whack and I have worked so hard to be `BIPOLAR NO MORE`.”

Well, screw that!  I am strong.  I am strong enough to kick that monkey off my back! I am 4 hrs from being

72 hrs into my “quit”!  And I feel fine….. I feel fine!   Quit meter

 

 

 

 

I really want to share how the first hours felt for anyone who is also wanting to quit!  But if you have any questions post them and I will answer!  Here is to the next big adventure!  Woot Woot!

 

Hugs, V

 

 

December 15, 2011

As promised, bipolar no more!

The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. – Ernest Hemingway

First, I am not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist, a geneticist, or a medical expert in bipolar disorder.

I am, however, an expert in being bipolar.  I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder in my early twenties.  I was medicated for years.  The list of some of the medications I have experienced is as follows: Welbutrin, Klonopin, Tegretol, Clomipramine, Thorazine, Desipramin, Depakote, Trileptal, Effexor, Elavil, Prozac, Dalmane, Halcion, Tegretol, Haldol, Lamictal, Lexapro, Lithium, Topamax, and Trazadone.  Sadly, that is not a complete list but you get the point!  Sometimes a psych would put me on several at one time; an antidepressent, an antipsychotic, an antianxiety, a mood stabilizer and the list goes on and on.

I am also an expert on not being bipolar!  Yeah, you read it right… not being bipolar!

I have not only been med free for many years but I am NOT bipolar anymore.  How can I make such an extreme statement you ask?  Well, without extreme mood swings, extreme highs and lows, in my opinion that constitutes a bipolar no more statement!

Don’t get me wrong, I realize I have a tendency, a genetic predisposition, or a history of extreme highs and lows.  But that realization helps keep me balanced.

Finding a place to start with this chapter is difficult.  Should I start with my last hospital visit. Well I already have, Part 1 God https://nomorevictim.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/part-1-god/  This is a four part series where I discuss my last hospital visit.  I encourage you to read it before moving on with this chapter.

In this chapter I will walk you through every step of being bipolar no more.  I will answer any questions you have so ask away.  I will tell you what I believe is the cause of bipolar disorder and why some (most actually) people with bipolar disorder can live without medication.

One last note before I go for the evening.  Finals are over, I still have my 4.0!  School starts in a month so I am going to try and post every couple of days!  Closure is important and I, more than some, understand that!

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