Posts tagged ‘Cigarette’

October 4, 2013

The tank

Would I proudly enter a restaurant, a grocery store, a doctors office attached to my tank?  Would I paint it orange and decorate it with flowers? Would I name my tank like a pet that is with me all the time?  Would I embrace my tank, knowing it is my life – my breath? Would I thank my tank for being there for me when I just needed breath? Would I buy the perfect wagon to carry my tank, maybe a little red wagon or a garden wagon painted orange to match my tank? Would I tire of my tank?  Would it be a burden to heavy to carry? Would I wish I had just fucking quit smoking years before, years before I was attached to my tank? Would I rather die than carry my tank?  Would I, one day while sitting alone listening to the breeze, light up while sitting by my tank, listen to the oxygen hiss, and inhale my very last smoke?

 

 

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September 30, 2013

Cravings 101

We all crave sometimes.  We crave love, attention, sweets, Mexican food, and our vices or our addictions that we have  walked away from.  My addictions are no different.  I crave them at times.  I even, very rarely – but still, crave chaos (or the excitement that comes with it).  But I never feed that craving, EVER!  Because I know what it leads to, MORE and MORE chaos!  This is why I know that I cannot have even one cigarette!  I will want more and more and more!  Having nicotine only makes you want more nicotine!

I have been smoke free two months, three days, 22 hours, 4 minutes and 1 second.

I still crave a smoke every now and then, not nicotine, just the action of smoking.

Cravings are like hiccups, just breath!

September 19, 2013

It’s been almost two months!

One month, three weeks, two days, 2 hours, 57 minutes and 24 seconds. 811 cigarettes not smoked, saving $236.65. Life saved: 2 days, 19 hours, 35 minutes.

And I am still smoke free! I am also very stable again. I was hoping I would be before school started and I am. I was working very hard to be as stable as possible before the pressure of school. I am taking three (yes 3!!!) math classes and a sociology! I am driving over and hour each way to school four days a week and working about 30 hours a week.

But I am sleeping a full 7 to 8 hrs every night and riding my bicycle every morning about 7 to 8 miles.

After reading this I am not sure how in the hell I am able to squeeze all of this into one day, but I do. It is amazing how much you can do if you do not watch TV or play on a computer.

I love being a non-smoker. It allows me to be a free spirit. To wonder into areas that I would have never dared. To do things I would have never done! OK OK so maybe that is a little over board… but really that is how it feels sometimes!

August 31, 2013

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing you will hate that you never did!

Yep, that’s right I said it. Quitting smoking is very easy. Oh yeah you are going to have some moments where you will be like – wow I would really like to smoke right now, or uggg I feel so uncomfortable not smoking at the moment, or I feel really anxious this second…..

Right now, at the moment, this second! It passes that fast.

I have heard for years that cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin.

Withdrawal symptoms for nicotine:
Anxiety
Depression
Drowsiness or trouble sleeping, as well as bad dreams and nightmares
Feeling tense, restless, or frustrated
Headaches
Increased appetite and weight gain
Problems concentrating

Withdrawal symptoms for heroin:
Agitation
Anxiety
Muscle aches
Increased tearing
Insomnia
Runny nose
Sweating
Yawning
Abdominal cramping
Diarrhea
Dilated pupils
Goose bumps
Nausea
Vomiting

So I am thinking where in the hell did the whole fairy tale about nicotine being harder to give up than heroin come from?

I have been smoke free One month, four days, 3 hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds. 527 cigarettes not smoked, saving $153.76. Life saved: 1 day, 19 hours, 55 minutes.

I am rockin this shit! Love being nicotine free!

August 21, 2013

Not smoking and alcohol.

One of the hardest parts about quitting smoking for a lot of people is drinking alcohol.  Of course if you are on meds you should probably not be drinking alcohol period, but lets be honest people do!  I tell people, especially people I see smoking,almost everyday, sometimes several times a day, “I just quit smoking” or “It has been X number of days / weeks since I have had a cigarette.”  It is one of the ways I help myself stay constantly accountable and it helps me to not smoke!  But I also want to share my experience with anyone who might want to quit.

People often ask, “How did you quit?” Or “What made you stop?”  And most smokers say, “I wish I could quit!”

But what is surprising is the reason most people say they can’t or won’t quit is alcohol.  Yep, alcohol.  I have heard so many times, “I would quit but I have to smoke when I drink a beer.”  What I want to say is, “REALLY, if that is why you do not want to quit you have bigger issues than smoking!!!”  But I don’t.

Why?

Because I get it!  That is why I have not had a beer in three weeks, four days, 3 hours, 17 minutes and 48 seconds (and yes that is accurate).

Oddly I have found I can drink a small glass of wine, just one, and be OK.  I do not feen for a smoke with just one glass of wine.  Ironically, or I guess you can call it that, research shows one glass of wine is also good for you!English: A glass of red wine.

****UPDATE on mental health.  I am leveling out.  My brain and body are both getting used to not having nicotine.  I am sleeping a full 8, not grinding, and driving like a normal person.

 

Keep checking back!  Thanks for reading!  And for all my bipolar – smoking readers……… take care of yourself!

August 12, 2013

…but

The R Wines 2007 Bitch Grenache

I am OK!  I made it:

Two weeks, two days, 5 hours, 9 minutes and 15 seconds. 243 cigarettes not smoked, saving $70.90. Life saved: 20 hours, 15 minutes.

For those of you that are interested the statistic are courtesy of SilkQuit.org!

The physical cravings are GONE!  The memory of smoking is still there  however!  This scares me, so I am still avoiding all situations where smoking is involved.

I am not manic, depressed, or having a mixed episode.  I will tell you that the first week feels very much like a mixed episode – at least it did for me.

If you are bipolar and quitting smoking it is important to be very in tune to what you are feeling, how you are acting, and where your emotions are.  If you are on meds talk to your doctor but make sure to tell him or her where you are at in your quit.  If he or she is not familiar with nicotine withdrawals educate him or her.  Emotional withdrawals last much longer than physical withdrawals.  But the physical withdrawals are the ones that will really screw with your mind!

I am sure I am a quitter!  I am a nonsmoker!  I am one bad ass bitch!  After everything I have been through, lived through, etc… this is the moment in my life that I have truly become ONE BAD ASS BITCH!

July 31, 2013

Days 2 through 4 of my “quit”

Days 2, 3, and 4 were all about the same.  Actually that is not 100% true.  Days 2 and 3 were the easiest so far.  Day 4, yesterday, I weighed myself and almost fell over.  Somehow I gained 3 lbs in 4 days!  So I rode my bike 10 miles last night and 5 miles this morning before work!  I am going to have to pay much closer attention to what I am eating from today forward!

Day 5 which is today, however; has been OMFG awful!  I am actually better at the moment.  But I have felt some anger well up inside of me that actually scares me.  This day is not over……… so tune in!

XOXOXO to all you bipolar smokers and ex-smokers out there.  And to all of you “I have never smoked a day in my life” humans, well wth are you reading this for?  Oh I know, let this be a warning to you… if someone you love is bipolar and a smoker who is trying to quit – duck and run!

July 30, 2013

What it feels like to quit. Day 1 and 1.2

The first couple of hours I was able to keep telling myself what I was feeling was withdrawals.  I felt only slightly anxious or an even better description might be edgy and kept expecting it to get worse but it never did.  I used to think it was better to quit first thing in the morning, but now I think a couple of hours before bed is best.  This way you will have a good twelve hours of no nicotine and most of that you will be asleep.  Wooo Hoooo sleep through the worst of the withdrawals… hell yeah!  To help me calm down and relax before bed I took a nice warm bath in Epsom salt with some lavender and eucalyptus oils mixed in.  This was huge and I definitely recommend it. You can buy essential oils at HEB or your local vitamin store.  I have taken a warm bath every night before bed and it really takes the edge off.

When I woke up the next morning I made my coffee just like any other day and went outside to drink it.  I sat where I would normally sit if I were having my morning smoke. I took some really deep breaths in and breathed them out slowly in between each sip of coffee.  I relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes and told myself “I am going to have an awesome day because I am starting a new adventure and it is very exciting!”  Instead of working to keep from smoking, I worked on being happier, excited, and carefree.  I did not allow myself to have the thought of “I want a cig!” Instead I kept thinking “Today is a  wonderful day, this is so exciting!”  Every where I went on Saturday I told people it had been x amount of hours since my last smoke and it was so exciting!  I was amazed at how good I continued to feel throughout the day.  A couple of times I felt that edgy feeling and but instead of relating it to wanting a smoke, I related to the excitement of this new chapter in my life!

Techniques to use when that edgy feeling comes:

#1 breathing exercises I really like this one in particular .   Using breathing techniques throughout the day does several things: it gives you a boost of oxygen, it calms you down, it simulates the same action that you might feel you are missing otherwise (you know – taking a big drag off a smoke).

#2 Tell someone new how many hours it has been since your last taste of nicotine.  Get excited and relate to them how excited you are to be free of your addiction.  Do this over and over and over and over and over…. you get the picture!  Every time I do this I also get emotional and find myself tearing up.  Sunday I made two total strangers almost cry as well!  Awesome!!!

#3 Read, read, read, read… but not just anything!  Read ex-smoker success stories!  Just google “ex smokers success stories” and you will have a wealth of information to read!

 

 

PS:  No depression or mania so far! And I am sleeping.  If you have learned anything else from reading my blog it is how important I believe sleep is!  If I am sleeping enough… I am not manic!  If I am not sleeping to much… I am not depressed!

 

PSS: It is good to be blogging again!  It is incredible to be blogging in real time instead of talking about my past!

July 29, 2013

Addiction! I am an addict!

I have been a smoker since I was 16 yrs old.

Nicotine – an addictive fast acting mild stimulant.

Oh I have tried to quit many, many times. My “quits” never last long.

My excuse to keep on smoking – I was afraid if I tried to quit it would send me into a manic spin!  Yes, that is what I have been telling myself for years!  Actually, that is what my addiction has been brainwashing me with for years!  My addiction, my nicotine monkey on my back would say, “Oh I hate smoking but I am just afraid that my fragile balance will be thrown out of whack and I have worked so hard to be `BIPOLAR NO MORE`.”

Well, screw that!  I am strong.  I am strong enough to kick that monkey off my back! I am 4 hrs from being

72 hrs into my “quit”!  And I feel fine….. I feel fine!   Quit meter

 

 

 

 

I really want to share how the first hours felt for anyone who is also wanting to quit!  But if you have any questions post them and I will answer!  Here is to the next big adventure!  Woot Woot!

 

Hugs, V

 

 

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